Everything Wrong With Romeo and Juliet in 10 Minutes or Less (Cinema Sins Parody)

Everything Wrong with Romeo and Juliet in 10 minutes or

Less. *spoilers ahead*

1. The Montague and Capulet Feud

“Two households, both alike in dignity… From ancient grudge break to new mutiny/ Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.” (P. 3-4) Why are the Montagues and Capulets even fighting? Never once in the book does it ever mention an explanation as to why they had this feud; it's almost as if they don't even know.

2. Sampson and Gregory

You might not remember, but Sampson and Gregory start off the play by introducing the two houses. These guys just start a fight with the Capulets for no reason at all! They’re part of the reason why the Prince comes up with the death penalty. Speaking of which...

3. The Prince’s Death Penalty

Though, the Prince stops the sudden violence and is actually being a good leader, he ends his declaration about the fighting between the houses with a rather harsh statement: “If you ever disturb our streets again/Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.” (1.1. 86-87) Yes, the Capulets and the Montagues are disturbing the streets of Verona, but no one is getting killed (yet). So, maybe there should have been a punishment that was a little less severe.

4. Rome(m)o

Get it? Like, emo? That’s what our first protagonist, Romeo, acts like. He's being a spoiled brat because he gets everything he wants but can't get Rosaline. He needs to learn to respect Rosaline’s feelings. She’s an independent women and Romeo needs to deal with it.

5. “Juliet Capulet”

Who names their kid Juliet Capulet? It doesn’t even sound good. Nobody’s name just rhymes, it’s just weird.

5. The Nurse is a Little Crazy...

She’s saying all these weird things like, “I would say thou hadst sucked wisdom from thy teat. (1. 3. 73-73)” What is that even supposed to mean? The nurse continues to say things about how she has known Juliet since she was born and how she nursed her.

6. -1 sin for Mercutio being hilarious. Especially in the Baz Luhrmann movie rendition. Mercutio extravagantly explains the concept of queen man and the performance by Harold Perrineau made Mercutio the best character.

7. Tybalt Needs to Chill

Romeo is just sitting down and minding his own business and talking to himself about Juliet (which is pretty weird but..) when Tybalt hears Romeo, he immediately realizes that Romeo is a Montague and at his party (“This, by the voice, should be a Montague/Fetch me my rapier, boy- What! Dares the slave come hither, covered with an antic face/ To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? / Now, by the stock and honor of my kin/ To strike him dead I hold it not a sin.” (1.5. 53-58) Honestly, Romeo didn’t even do anything and Tybalt just wants to flat out kill him. That’s a little much. But since we’re on the topic of Tybalt…

8. -1 sin for when Capulet roasts Tybalt and calls him “a saucy boy”. Now that’s how you insult someone.

9. King of Cats is a Stupid Nickname.

Why would you want to be called “The King of Cats”? Cats are lazy, wouldn’t you much rather be called the king of tigers or lions?

10. Romeo, Calm Down

My dude has been crying over Rosaline for like, a week. He goes to the ball feeling depressed and only goes to see Rosaline. (Come on dude, get a grip..) Two hours later he’s obsessed with a new girl: Juliet. “Did my heart love till now?/ Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne’eer saw true beauty till this night.” (1.5.50-52) They literally start making out as soon as they meet each other. Slow down man, you literally don’t even know who she is yet or anything about her. Know the difference between love at first sight and lust at first sight.

11. #BadFriends

When Romeo disappears to find Juliet, Mercutio and Benvolio don’t even follow him! Yeah, they call out to him, but do they really think that their calls are going to do anything? If they were true friends, they would run into the forest with Romeo and spy on him.

12. Romeo Is A Stalker.

Romeo finds out who Juliet is and stalks her home, finds her room, and calls out to her from below the balcony. He met this girl an hour ago and decided to follow her home, jump a fence into your worst enemy’s backyard. Also, the lovestruck boy won’t leave! “And I’ll still stay, to have thee still forget, forgetting any other home but this.”

13. Juliet is Just as Insane!

She met Romeo probably an hour ago and decided to marry him even though all she knows about him, is that he is her family’s sworn enemy. “If that thy bent of love be honorable/ Thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow/ By one that I’ll procure to come to thee/ Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite/ And all my fortunes at thy foot I’ll lay/ And follow thee my lord throughout the world.” (2.2. 143-148)

14. Why is The Nurse Playing Along With This???

The nurse could get fired or something for doing this, it would be much better in her favor to tell Capulet about this but she just decides to keep it a secret. Why would you trust a 13 year old over your boss?

15. Friar Laurence: Hugs or Drugs?

For a religious figure, Friar Laurence has a really strange obsession with “plants”. Like, really strange. “Within the infant rind of this weak flower/ Poison hath residence and medicine power.” (2.3. 23-24)

16. Dirty Jokes

Benvolio and Mercutio are just bullying the nurse. She didn't do anything to them, and plus it's kind of weird to flirt with somebody like four times your age.

17. No One Really Cares About Your Scoliosis Or Whatever You Have..

Sorry, Nurse but it would be a lot better if you stopped complaining about your back [“I am aweary. Give me leave awhile. Fie, how my bones ache! What a jaunt have I!”(2.5. 25-26)and tell Juliet and the readers, of course, what’s going on.

17. Chill Tybalt!

Tybalt is still salty about the whole ball situation and decides to confront Romeo even though he knows the punishment is death.

18. +100 Sins for Mercutio's death; he was the best character and died for his best friend. Romeo didn't deserve Mercutio.

19. -1 Sin for Tybalt's death. He had it coming and he was just a saucy King of Cats that nobody liked.

20. Benvolio, Are You Just Going to Stand There?

Throughout the whole fight, Benvolio literally does nothing. He just stands there! Isn’t he supposed to be a peacekeeper? At least try to stop the fight or help out your pals before someone gets seriously hurt or in trouble.

21. Why Not Life In Prison?

Romeo just murdered someone and he's getting exiled? Didn’t Tybalt also murder someone? Even if he isn't going to be put to the death sentence at least give him life in prison. Yeah it's a lot more harsh but murder is pretty harsh too, and it would have prevented a lot more problems.

22. Red Flags, Juliet!

I’m pretty sure that if your “lover” caused the murder of your cousin, its a HUGE red flag to stop loving that person.

23. Juliet, Suicide is Not the Answer.

Romeo is just exiled, Juliet could easily just run away and join him and not make a huge deal and threaten suicide because of this.

24. Capulet is Evil.

Capulet is pretty mad about how Juliet is refusing to marry Paris. She had already told him that she didn't want to marry; why would Tybalt's death change anything? Capulet seriously needs to calm down about this whole marriage thing. It has been a stressful day for Juliet and he is only making it worse. I mean, come on, you’re going to disown your only child because they don’t want to get married?

25. Feels Bad, Man

Poor Paris is just stuck in the middle of all this and hasn't the slightest idea of what's going on. He thinks he’s just going to marry some pretty girl and make his family proud but apparently it's not that simple.

25. Calm Yourself Juliet.

Romeo is not worth killing yourself over. There are much better alternatives to figuring out this situation such as, I don’t know, getting over Romeo? “If in thy wisdom thou canst give no help/
Do thou but call my resolution wise/ And with this knife I’ll help it presently.” (4.1. 53-55)

26. Friar Lawrence Back at it Again with His Drugs

Okay, I get Friar Lawrence is trying to help and all, but his solution is pretty flawed, and experimental drugs should never be your first option. And sending a letter? That could go wrong in so many different ways.

27. Doesn’t Anybody Understand Red Flags In This?

If your daughter says, “Farewell.-- God knows when we shall meet again again,(4. 3. 15)” that should be a major red flag that something is going to happen.

28. If You Want Something Done Right You Have To Do It Yourself

Everything is messed up because Friar Lawrence didn't just tell Romeo himself. It would have been a whole lot easier to go and tell Romeo himself rather than send somebody else to do it. He didn't even have an excuse not to go.

29. Apothecary?

“Such mortal drugs I have, but Mantua’s law/ Is death to any he that utters them.” (5.1. 68-69) If it's illegal, and you refuse to sell it, then why do you have it?

30. R.I.P. Paris

He didn’t deserve to die. He was just an innocent little bystander that just wanted to mourn his fiance's death and Romeo comes along and stabs him.

31. What The Heck, Juliet

Just. Because. Romeo. Is. Dead. Doesn’t. Mean. You. Have. To. Die. Too. Gosh, Juliet. Get it through your head. Suicide is not the answer. You’re only thirteen! And Friar Laurence tried to help you out as well. But no, apparently Juliet just has to stay behind and kill herself. Ugh. Teenagers. Baz Luhrmann's movie only make this worse by making Juliet watch Romeo take the poison before she even says anything.

32. It’s Finally Over.

Do you really need 6 deaths to get over a stupid, pointless feud? Two gold statues of people that were stupid enough to kill themselves really isn’t going to do anything but at least the Montagues and Capulets aren’t fighting anymore!